Dependency
So, I've realized after having been married for 2 years now, that I'm dependent on my husband. The weird thing is this dependency is not the type that is easily recognizable. I have some friends, who are in the general sense dependent, where they can't do certain things because they need their husbands to do it for them. To them it's not a problem because it doesn't matter whether they do it or their husband does it for them. At least not until they want to do it and the husband doesn't have time, or doesn't want to do it himself. Then the wife, feels like damn, I wish I knew how to do it, and felt confident enough to do it herself.
The kind of dependency I have on my husband comes from a lack of desire to do something. Let's get a little more specific. Cooking. Yes, sometimes I enjoy cooking. But most of the time, I'm a cooker, so we have something to eat when we get home from work. But mostly, this cooking behavior initially stemmed from the need to provide nourishment for my husband. He's a home-meal kinda guy.
When he was away for a few months for work, I was living alone, and I became the laziest, most non-healthy, not taking care of myself person in the world (well, probably not that bad.)Anyway, I stopped cooking, and was living off McDs, friend's dinner, and cereal. Ah, cereal. Who knew cereal could last for breakfast & dinner, and the snacks in between. If only I wasn't lactose intolerant! Argh.
Anyway, what I noticed was that I stopped taking care of myself. Essentially, I'm dependent on Hasnain because when I'm taking care of him, I indirectly take care of myself too. I guess, my motivation for the day to day routines were for the wrong reasons. I shouldn't clean just because Hasnain begins to nag at me to do the laundry (even though the countdown of underwear is the limiting factor), or I shouldn't cook just because Hasnain desires green chatni chicken, I should perform my duties for a more sublime reason, so Hasnain can brag about what an awesome wife I am. Yeah, I like that.
Are you really neat, because you are a neat freak? Or are there other forces at work?
7 comments:
If you can figure out what motivates someone to become a neat freak, I'd REALLY like to hear about it.
In truth, I'm sure it really just depends on the person, but I don't doubt that there are other forces at work.
Like our mom. She always says that she's just been a very neat person ever since she was little; so for her, it was an inborn thing.
But for me and Mariyamben, it's not inborn. You saw our apartment, and to us, it was messy. Our mom would say the same thing; thus, we always get the place cleaned before she and Dad come up. ;)
But the thing is, everytime one of our friends comes over, they say that they've never seen such a clean apartment before.
So really, the force behind our supposed "neatness" is the need to be presentable to our mother and our friends/peers. We don't like it when mom comes to visit, says that the place is a mess, and starts cleaning. We don't like our friends to see our messiness, though in those cases we usually let it pass.
So you see, it really just depends on the individual.
I'd like to see how you reply to that. =)
Argh! I just wrote a terribly long comment in response to you Adnan & Zainab C., but unfortunately for me there was an error when I tried to submit it, and fortunately for you, I'm going to have to reiterate it but in a concise version.
Neat Freaks have innate qualities (yes that may have been shaped and molded from their environment) but as they grow, the longing for a neat & tidy surrounding develops into motivation stemmed from personal satisfaction rather than parental pressures.
There's something similar in that self-maintained behaviors that are usually found in most autistics. There's this kid at work who does a little flapping of the fingers in his face. There's no pattern, reason or rhyme as to why he does it, he just does, every now and then. So, to send that behavior to extinction is very very difficult because it's self maintained. It's not like we can just tie him up for ages and hope he forgets about doing it. That's not very practical. But to answer your question, Adnan, if you were really asking it seriously, most probably Mr./Ms. Neat Freak had some inclined tendency as a child to clean up, and the parents or supervisors probably took major notice of it, and praised to the child to do it with just the right quantity & quality of encouragement that now the child/person feels to be neat is the "right way to go."
Forget about this not being long. I'm back in the game. It's on.
Zainab C., your Neatness seems to be maintained by the pressures of people visiting your natural habitat and then judging you, or passing comments, or the consequences (good --mom cleaning up for you, bad--mom cleaning up for you) thereof. Anyway, just like me cooking for Hasnain, you're cleaning for others, too.
Yes yes, I don't doubt, that there are moments of surges where you just feel all Mr. Clean-ish, the same as when I feel all Betty Crocker-y, where you cook/clean all day, without exhaustion, for your OWN satisfaction, not for anyone, but yourself. Yeah, those are very nice days indeed. Too bad they only come once a year.....(on Hasnain's b-day).... Just kidding.
i clean when i am kinda stressed. like it never happens when i have nothing to do. but when its crunch time in school or i have to get rest for some big event.... that's when my internal neat freak button gets switched on... its really weird. my roommates used to think i was weird cuz i would do spring cleaning like a day before iktebaar..lol... kinda funny now that i look back. we all have our outlets i guess.
Marya,
Yeah, that's called PROCRASTINATION! hahah. Just kidding! I go through the same things. There was this book a friend of mine gave me, called something the frog, or something, it's a self-help book about prioritizing your tasks. And the author mentioned how we as procrastinators tend to do the smaller, more easier, and less important tasks first because we know we can get them out of the way, and as a consequence we end up leaving the more difficult, more important tasks for later (and for crunch time!)
Eat That Frog!: 21 Great Ways to Stop Procrastinating and Get More Done in Less Time
By Brian Tracy.
http://www.amazon.com/Eat-That-Frog-Great-Procrastinating/dp/1576754227
i hate self help books. haha. id much rather procrastinate than read about obvious methods to not procrastinate...
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