Evolving Aspiration

So there is a slight possibility that I might be going back to school. It's been a "lifelong dream" that keeps evolving then returning to it's natural state every now and again, that is, to become a doctor.

It's funny, when I was single, I told my mom that she didn't have to worry about having to find me a guy, that's I would find him on my own, and basically indicated that it'd be a "love" marriage (in the colloquial manner we use it.) But, right after that conversation, as my cousin and I stayed up all night discussing our roles in life after we each had found our mystery men: younger bhabis, older bhabis, only bahus of the household, living with/without our parents, location, status, occupation, I ended up telling K. nonchalantly, that although I'm saying I'm going to find him on my own, I'd probably end up following the "match-made" path, through a type of arrange marriage. And guess what ended up happening? just that, an arrange marriage.

The same applies to my career aspirations. All my life, from before I can even remember, I've wanted to become a doctor, and as I've grown, and as I've molded into different roles in life, my aspirations have change. I no longer aspire to become a doctor, even though I may be leaving to attend Med school.

Instead, some of the things I wish for everyday is being a good wife, a good mother, and raising a good, healthy, and decent family.

I once had a deep conversation with E. about fears. My immediate response was that I feared raising children. No, I'm not pregnant; no, we're not planning in the super near future; but, at some point in time, when we do begin raising our children, I hope we do it right. I hope in the end, we make right decisions, that lead to helping our kids rather than hurting them in their future. By helping, I don't mean spoiling, in contrast, I mean teaching them to make roti, rather than buying the Malaysia Paratha packets for them (variation of the feed for a day/ feed for a life--rather than catch fish for them, teach how to fish.)

So, sometimes this dream of treating a portion of the pediatric population gets wiped off the slate and substituted by raising a portion of the pediatric population. I know the two are not mutually exclusive. Both are possible. My siblings and I are living proof. Even in dire conditions, with one guardian, it's possible. How can it not, with such a considerate and honorable partner like mine? Sometimes my thinking of him encourages me to try for the latter dream than the former. But, he makes me feel like it is possible to have an all-encompassing career and be a good parent and partner.

partners r parents. That's interesting.